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Its been real for a year today. Time to share my story.

I been thinking for an entire year how to share my horrible and wonderful story.

I made it all the way to almost 40 with absolutely no STDs. I was alive in 1985 and I saw AIDS then and it scared us. Still does. I had no reason to expect to get it. But then again who plans to be raped. Who plans for your mysoginistic rapist to deliberately infect you? It’s happened before, sure, but I am utterly alone and petrified to date over rejection. Other than the rape I had sex one time in three years. My dreams of children are gone. Shit…I can’t even have sex anymore!!

I shouldn’t be alone. I love people. I love helping people and I love doing charity work, I love to cook and knit and read and I know I would have been a wonderful wife and mother. Dead dreams they are now. I’m too scared to tell anyone my status and I would never not tell a potential lover I just am afraid of the fear of rejection. I have been sad since the day I was born I’m afraid I would hurt myself. I tried before.

I do hope I can adopt. My viral load is non-existent and I am healthier than I ever been but only you, blog readers, know I have this virus.

If you don’t take the meds and have discriminate sex then you need to worried. If you take meds and keep in shape and make sure your partner’s know, you will live so much longer then you would have in the first place. My cells work different. I need to keep clean. And to this day from well over a decade ago, i haven had a cold.

I was diagnosed a year ago and two weeks after the rape I felt so neauseas and had the worst headache and I knew I caught the “sauce.” I knew. I knew while he raped me.

I know his full name too. I want to report him because I am not his only victim….Who gleefully gives innocent women HIV? An evil man who hates women (he had mommy issues. He really thought his mom would get thrown out as a high ranking official for denying her junkie criminal diseased son. He hates women enough I wish he killed me instead of rape me every day.

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